Happy new year everybody!
A week ago I took a break, the last days of 2020 and the transit to 2021 I wanted to celibrate with Cindy, in peace, reflecting. Looking forward to the new year, but also being in the moment.

A couple of weeks ago I took a break too, a long break. I posted a video on the WITBM YouTube channel. As always I want to talk about reality and not only present the nice pictures. This blog is about that break… Enjoy reading and enjoy (the beginning of) the New Year and let us continue to appreciate life, with eachother. That you do what you want to do. That you can be, who you want to be!

In my video that I made for YouTube with a summary from day 32 to day 49 (https://youtu.be/ID_0st6HJc8) I wrote: “Walking, reflection, joy, relaxing, reset the mind and body. Distance: from Orewa to Meremere. Having fun, visit 2000 gannets, celebrate my birthday, relaxing in nature, clean up litter, doing an interview with Madu who wants to support WITBM ”

A nice video and a pleasant time with great experiences as you could see. At the same time, the video does not show everything. Although walking is really the best medicine for me and I know it, sometimes I just don’t manage to take the medicine. Life just gets too much for me at times. The stimuli, the thoughts, the feelings that I am not meaningful at all, the many questions that go through my mind, the anxiety, the doubt. Dealing with situations has then become impossible. There are times when I can’t control my emotions. Even though I want to, it’s like there’s a little devil sitting on my shoulder that takes over completely. The angel is watching, knows what I want and how I should react, but just can’t intervene. The storm that then develops in my head engulfs me completely. And then I can’t walk, not even a meter. All I want is then to be left alone, to sleep, be in silence…

Believe me, it really isn’t fun, and I’m ashamed of it too sometimes. I’m angry with myself, angry with others, angry with the world. I cannot always control the things I say. A break is then simply necessary. It is then a matter of waiting for the storm to subside. And in those moments of peace I can reflect and relax again. Reset my mind and my body. A relief, because then I can enjoy and have fun again. And so I visited the gannet colony in Muriwai with Cindy, amazing, I celebrated my 38th birthday, we relaxed in nature and collected illegal dumping, played Cima Canasta. Then everything is relative.

My needs are to be meaningful, to be taken seriously. My fears of not being abandoned, the feeling that no one is waiting for me. And because I don’t just want to show the beautiful pictures, I write about the other side too, here in my blog. There is still too much stigma about discussing mental health problems, depression, anxiety, negative thinking, borderline, obsessive compulsary behaviour, hypersensitivity,… And I also want to break through that stigma with the WITBM platform. Call me an expert by experience, I have been through it all, the bad and the worst, at the same time every time I find ways to get up and still go for a walk. Because walking… walking is the best medicine.